Last night Isabel had a fever. I was instantly terrified it was relapse, a sign that the leukemia was back. I couldn't sleep and couldn't reign in those poisonous thoughts. What if it were back in her bone marrow? In her central nervous system? I wanted other symptoms. I wanted a runny nose, something that has a clear indication that it was an illness that she would recover from. I'm forever traumatized by that high fever of hers that wouldn't go away and wouldn't go down 3 years ago. That fever was a telltale symptom of her leukemia.

It was the very first time since the winter of 2006 that we didn't have to take her in to the hospital or call the doctor with news of her fever. There would be nothing for them to do. She's off all chemotherapy and all medicines. She no longer has an internal chest port. Her counts two weeks ago were fine.

It all came down to me worrying and waiting, worrying and not sleeping. The entire night spent in concentrated worry. I finally fell asleep around 5:30 in the morning. That was rough. My emotions were out of control. I was just not used to dealing with a normal kid illness. One that doesn't require a middle of the night trip to the emergency room, or a call to the oncologist. I also knew that a fever could be a very real indication of a relapse. But it wasn't. It wasn't a relapse, it was a normal kid fever that slowly went away and was gone completely by the next night. Another off treatment milestone! Phew! I just hope the next fever is a little easier to cope with emotionally!
I was so thankful the children's elementary school agreed to notify me of any illnesses reported in the school, not just in Isabel's classroom. I knew there had been high fevers reported at her school last week. Just that tiny bit of information kept my hope and faith from crumbling during those panicky few hours in the middle of the night while I hovered over her, feeling her hot body, kissing her flushed cheeks.

I'm so thankful to have weathered that fever and come out the other side. Beyond thankful.